Learning to Love
by quickand2thepointless
Summary: Ike gets a lesson in the many emotions that come along with discovering feelings for a certain special someone. Lots of IkexSoren fluff. Hooray!


Well, hope you like fluff. And Boyd/Rolf insults :) Midget brain? What does that even mean?

I don't own FE, or any of the Greil Mercenaries. I wish I owned them (for sexytime purposes), but alas, it is not so. Enjoy!

He was having breakfast when it happened; needless to say, it was entirely unexpected. He enjoyed mealtimes well enough, especially since he had the appetite of a half-starved laguz, but they were generally the most uneventful parts of his day. Shinon and Gatrie would talk endlessly over their food about Gatrie's humorous romantic intrigues; Rhys had his hands full convincing Mia he was not her much desired rival; Boyd, Mist, and Rolf were always occupied with their jocular jabs and teasings; and Oscar and Titania spoke over them all trying to keep minds focused on training and missions, just as Greil did when he was alive. But as for Ike, he was content to devote himself fully to his eating, only pausing every once in a while to throw in a comment here and there or to chastise Boyd or Mia for pestering the rest of the company too much. The rest of the day would be spent in inventory, planning, training, or bloodshed, so he kept his mealtimes simple in preparation for the chaos and tumult that could be expected in the typical day of a Greil mercenary.

So it was surprising to him, when he thought on it later, that one of the biggest revelations of his life happened over the breakfast table. It was a day like any other, or so he thought. By time he filled his plate with Oscar's famous sausage links and bacon, Boyd and Rolf were already getting into it with one another, and the rest of the company seemed more than ready to follow.

"Quit calling yourself a prodigy, midget brain," Boyd needled his younger brother, his mouth pulled upward in a smirk. "We all know that you can't do anything halfway decent without any help."

"I am a prodigy, you big baboon," Rolf countered, desperately trying to sound sure of himself. "I have more natural talent than you do, and you know it."

"Hah! Want to say that again, doofus?"

"I have no problem telling the truth, meat-head."

Mist glared at both of the brothers as they continued to insult one another with their immature insults. "For the love of the goddess, would you two cut it out?"

"Rather than jump down each others throats, we could possibly discuss our day's itinerary," Titania interjected hopefully. "Boyd, you especially have been falling behind in your train-"

"Speaking of training, Rhys is my partner!" Mia cried, leaping up from table.

"Er, Rhys is our healer. Wouldn't you be better off sparring Ike?"

"Ike doesn't fit the description of my great rival. Rhys, on the other hand-"

Ike kept on eating, ignoring the arguments flourishing around him. Damn, the food was good. He was thinking about seconds already, and he had more than enough time to scarf down another plate, maybe even a third if Oscar had cooked that much...

His train of thought was broken by the feel of something brushing against his foot. His focus jolted from his mostly cleared plate to across the table where Soren, the only other silent member member of their group, was sitting picking at his food and reading from the leather bound book that was poised in his hands. Soren looked up from his text and met Ike's eyes for a few moments. "Sorry about that," he murmured over the din of their other companions. "My foot slipped."

"Don't worry about it," Ike responded casually. He was about ready to return his attention back to polishing off his plate when something in Soren's look made him unexpectedly pause. "What is it?" he asked, self-consciously rubbing his mouth in discomfort. "Do I have bacon grease all over my face again?"

"No...no," Soren mumbled, somewhat nervously. "You're fine. It was just for a moment, the light..." He trailed off and muttered something incomprehensible under his breath, returning to his book with suspicious quickness.

Ike's interest was piqued, so for once he set aside thoughts of his meal to take the time to address his friend. "What was that, Soren? I didn't quite hear you there. Something about the light...?"

"It's nothing," Soren snapped, piercing his friend with an icy glare. "I don't want to talk about it. Please let me read."

Ike shrugged. "Have it your way." He allowed Soren to go back to his reading, although he himself had lost all interest in devouring as much of Oscar's food as he possibly could. He could not help but wonder what had set Soren it off- it really could have been any number of things. Ike stood by his judgment that Soren was a bit of a softie underneath all his layers of coolness and indifference. Why else would he possibly notice that Ike's eyes twitched when he was sleepy or that his voice deepened ever so slightly when something offended him? Just as Soren knew this of Ike, Ike knew that Soren only grew brusque and evasive when something was bothering him. He only hoped that it was nothing in particular that he did, and that Soren was jut moping because the weather was poor or because he had a poor night's sleep.

As he studied Soren covertly, Ike was struck by how much he had changed over the past few years. The Soren he had known before had been tiny and child-like, as dark and pale as a creature from another world. When Soren had first joined up with the mercenaries, he had been so slim and emaciated that Ike could have snapped in two like a twig if he wanted. Now he was taller and stronger looking, though still trim and svelte, and his translucent skin had gained some color and vibrancy. He was not exactly handsome like Boyd or beautiful like Titania, but there was something potent in his eyes and endearing in his tight, rarely appearing smile that intrigued Ike. His other friends were all open books; they wore their hearts on their sleeves and made their emotions more public than private. But Soren was different. His thoughts were his own, but when he shared them with Ike on rare occasion, they proved to be more intense, thought provoking, and heart wrenching than anything anyone else ever said.

All of a sudden, Ike's mind was reeling. Soren. Dark and aloof Soren whom only loved and revealed himself to Ike- and only then in such small degrees- Soren whom life had treated with little regard and an excess of cruelty, Soren whom needed him so much and expected so little in return... when had he grown so drawing and mysterious? Where did that pained tightness in his lips come from, when had his hair grown so soft and liquid and long, when had his eyes become so depthless and pleading? And, more importantly, why hadn't Ike noticed before how tortured and yet so wonderful his dearest friend had grown while he'd been occupied with other thoughts and concerns, blindly working with him and talking to him, but never really looking at him?

Ike shivered in spite of himself. It was unsettling. Soren was the one constant thing in his life: he could always count on him to support him no matter what he did. If Soren was changing into something so inexplicably alluring and powerful right under his nose, what could he trust in? What if the Soren who had been his brother and confidant for as long as he could remember became something else entirely, someone whom he could no longer expect to listen to him no matter what he had to say or love him no matter how blunt and unmannerly he was? Ike didn't know what he would do then. He had never realized before how much he depended on Soren, but in truth, he was dearer than most other things in the world put together.

He wasn't sure that he knew anything anymore. His sudden realizations about his friend had changed so many things he believed in before- things about himself, about Soren, and about love and trust. But in a way, all the knowledge in the world was at his fingertips. There were so many things he had been ignorant of before, but now he was aware of all he felt for his silent and brooding companion, now he knew there was another path stretching long and enticing before him other than the comfortable and homey life he lived in Crimea with the Greil mercenaries. This new dimension of Soren's was just dying to be explored and uncovered by his heart and hands, and Ike found himself unashamed to admit that the thought of exploring this realm of emotion with the person he already loved and respected most in the world thrilled him to the very core.

After ten or so minutes of intense study and thought on Ike's part, Soren looked back up from his book to steal a glance at Ike. He was shocked to note that Ike's plate remained untouched since they had last spoken, and that Ike was staring deeply into his eyes as if he was trying to see, like the herons, into Soren's soul. Soren glanced around the table. Everyone else was talking normally amongst themselves, unaware of Ike's uncharacteristic behavior. Ike was famous for eating the lion share of whatever was cooked in their headquarters. Now that he wasn't even paying attention to his food, Soren grew concerned that something was seriously wrong.

"Are you feeling all right?" he queried, his eyebrows furrowing.

"Yeah," Ike responded quickly, his tone almost defensive. "Why?"

"You're not eating."

"I... I'm not hungry."

"You're not hungry? You?" Soren stared at him in disbelief.

"Yeah. Not hungry today for some reason. Say, Soren. Feel like telling me what you were talking about earlier?"

"That again?" His lips tightened into an annoyed frown. "I told you. It's nothing. Just drop it, okay?"

Ike wasn't going to, of course, but before he could say anything more, Titania interrupted him. "Is everyone finished up here? We're burning daylight, and more than one of you could use some serious training. Anything to add, Commander? Have you got something else in mind for today?"

"Mm," Ike mumbled. He didn't feel like training in this peculiar mood, but as commander, it would be pretty shabby of him to skip out on it. There must be some way out...

"Titania, I don't think Ike is up for training today," Soren spoke up, his mouth twitching slightly. "He obviously isn't feeling well. Look at his plate. He hasn't even gone for seconds yet."

"Oh! Commander, I had no idea you were ill today. You should have said something!" Titania rebuked.

"Yeah, I uh... am feeling kind of faint. Maybe some fresh air... or a short walk or something would help?"

"Feel free to leave for as long as you like," Shinon threw in snidely. "We can take care of things ourselves while you're gone. You'll barely be missed."

Titania gave Ike leave more politely, though she had a curious expression on her face, as if she saw a familiar look in Ike's expression, one that wasn't pain, but something else entirely. She knew better than anyone what is was to find something surprising and unexpected in a place you weren't looking for it, and she could only hope that Ike would find his heart to a better end than she had found hers.

Ike had meant to take a short stroll around the area, but once his legs got moving, it was hard for him to know when to stop. He had gone through so much in the Mad King's War, and he had thought that he learned everything about himself that there was to learn. He learned that he could survive his father's death, raise an army to a country's defense, lead a band of very different people to victory and glory, and find the strength to end the life of the man who had ended his father's and nearly ended his. But now... now here was something that was yet again new and startling. He was capable of intense infatuation. He could find love in friendship and turn his feelings of camaraderie and devotion into interest and even lust. He had always been so selfless and devoted to the good of others, and now he felt himself feeling emotion that was consuming and selfish. He wanted too much than he could ever ask poor, broken Soren for. It wasn't fair to demand things of someone who had so little to spare.

After awhile, Ike, exhausted, slumped against a nearby tree. It looked like it was going to rain and he knew he should head for home, but he felt too tired and drained to move another muscle. He didn't want to go back as if nothing had changed, as if he was not a whole other person than the one he had woken up as that morning. The balance of his life had been tipped without any time to prepare for it. How was he supposed to act now? What was he supposed to say? How did one go about addressing these matters? How could he possibly approach his friend and tell him "You are more important to me than I ever realized before. I adore who you've become, and I want to never leave your side for as long as these feelings burn like fire in my veins"? Everything he wanted felt so impossible and unrealistic. Was that how love was supposed to feel? A hopelessly uphill climb to a destination one could never reach?

It took him some time to realize that the rain had begun to fall. Lost in his reveries, he hadn't realized that the heavens had opened and a deluge had burst forth, dousing the branches of the tree above him and soaking his clothes so they were pasted against his skin. At last he found the energy within himself to rise to his feet and hurry back home as the rain relentlessly pounded against his tired body. Whatever awaited him back at the headquarters couldn't be as discomforting as this- or so he hoped.

As he took his first steps through the sodden grass, he heard a familiar voice calling his name through the noise of the angry downpour. "Ike? Ikkkeee? Are you out here?" His feet once again froze to the ground as if the goddess herself did not want him to move, and his heart pounded like a drum in his chest.

The voice drew closer. "Ike? Please answer me! If you stay out here much longer, you'll get sick!"

Ike found it hard to breathe, much less speak, but he found the words coming out of his throat all the same. "Soren? Soren, is that you?"

Soren fell silent for a moment, following the sound of his voice. In a few moments, his figure emerged out of the cloud of rain, his long hair plastered to his back and forehead and his already heavy robes sopping wet. Ike wasn't sure what to do, so he remained standing where he was, allowing Soren to come to him and set the tone for this scene that he wasn't sure would play out in the way he wanted.

"What the heck do you think you're doing?" Soren screamed when he reached him, practically breathing fire. He grabbed Ike by the shoulders and gave him a forceful shake. "Are you trying to kill yourself? Is that what you want?"

Ike sighed and took his friend's anger unswervingly. "No... that's not what I want."

"Then why didn't you come back? You could fall ill out here. You're already unwell, and this will only make it worse. Are you out of your mind? The company needs you! You are our guiding light. We are nothing without you. _I _am nothing without you. Why, why, why didn't you come back?"

"I was afraid," Ike said honestly, the rain pouring in rivulets down his face like tears. Maybe it was his tears, buried somewhere beneath the cool flood of water from the sky. He couldn't be sure. All he knew was that he had never felt more terrified in all his life, not even when he stood in front of the Black Knight in single combat or faced the mad and inhumanly powerful Ashnard in the war's final conflict.

"Afraid? You're afraid? Of what?" Soren's voice grew softer. He could understand fear; he had suffered from it more times in his life than he could count.

"Of you."

"Me." Soren did not say this as a question; he was too shocked to even try to question his commander. Whatever he expected Ike to say, this certainly was not it.

"Yes. You."

"Why?"

"Because... because... I think I may be... I think I might want to..."

"Spit it out already!"

But Ike had no more words left in him. What he felt was too great for words. He did the only thing that could describe coherently how and what he was feeling: he bent over, his hair dripping teardrops onto Soren's upturned face, and gently kissed him on his soft and yielding lips. Soren started at first, surprised that this thing he had dreamed of for so long, for so many painful, unsatisfactory, and unfulfilled hours, was finally happening, but within seconds he allowed his lips to move against Ike's, taking in the taste he had only been able to imagine before. It was a sweet and tender moment of discovery and shyness, but from that it grew into something deeper. Ike wrapped his arms tightly around Soren so their bodies were pressed against one another, separated by nothing but dripping fabric, and Soren slid his hands up Ike's chest to rest upon his face. There was passion there, but it was something more. Something like returning home after a long journey or opening a gift you had been long desiring and wanting. Something like opening the pages of well read book and still finding something new. Something like discovering treasure within a treasure- a lover within a friend.

At length, the two drew apart, breathing heavily and thoroughly covered by the rain. Their arms remained locked around each other as if they could not bear to step out of this wonderful, incandescent moment, but inside they knew they had to get back and safely inside from the rain. There they might dry off together and learn this new language of commingled friendship and love, teaching each other their many secrets and sensitivities and exploring places they had both never gone before, but for now, this moment was all that mattered to them. Here was where the journey begun, where everything they knew changed and became deeper and meaningful. Here was where they had first learned to love each other and taste the love the other had to offer.

Here was the moment no lover ever wants to leave.


End file.
